On Thursday around lunch time, I went to the bathroom (just to pee) and when I wiped I saw some brownish discharge and/or blood. My first reaction is to be upset and I think the reason why is because for 15 months, blood meant “ NOT PREGNANT” so it kind-of messed with me a little.
For the last week, we haven’t really talked about Baby C. We stopped making plans, stopped talking about the future, more in an effort to protect our hearts. Instead we had a lot of really difficult conversations such as miscarriage and what that could look like for us. It’s no secret that I am pretty terrified of miscarrying at home. Let’s face it, miscarriage in general is terrifying. It’s cruel, it’s not what we had in our plan, and I just really don’t want to do it. But like I mentioned in my last post, the surgery isn’t an option for us at this time. If it comes to it. My OB wrote me a prescription for a pain medication in case it happens naturally or in case our RE, Dr. Park, doesn’t prescribe us pain medication. I also have heavy duty pads, a heating pad, Ibuprofen, and know to drink lots of water/Gatorade. I am prepared with materials, but emotionally I don’t know if I could ever prepare.
We went in for our first OB scan on Monday, when I would be 7 weeks. I had been feeling anxious for days, worried that something would be terribly wrong and that we would lose the miracle baby that I had been carrying for the past two weeks. As we sat in the room and I got prepared for the vaginal ultrasound (which wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be) my legs were shaking, which is normal when I’m anxious. I felt so sick to my stomach, but I wrote these emotions off as “normal” because I know that every woman and couple feels these emotions before the first ultrasound. I kept telling my husband how nervous I was but he reassured me that everything would be fine. As the ultrasound began, my reproductive endocrinologist, who is amazing by the way, pointed out my uterus and the yolk sac.
I can't believe that I get to type the words WE ARE PREGNANT on my website. When I first started this blog, I talked about my trying to conceive journey and then once we were referred to a fertility specialist, I talked about my infertility journey - Now I finally get to talk about my PREGNANCY JOURNEY. It just feels so surreal.