I can't believe that I get to type the words WE ARE PREGNANT on my website. When I first started this blog, I talked about my trying to conceive journey and then once we were referred to a fertility specialist, I talked about my infertility journey - Now I finally get to talk about my PREGNANCY JOURNEY. It just feels so surreal.
The crazy thing is that I should be doing infertility treatment right now. I bought all of the medications, read all of the directions, and mentally prepared myself for what was to come. Our plan was to do a medicated cycle using Femara/Letrozole and a trigger shot of Ovidrel, which would make me ovulate and has some progesterone/HCG hormone in it to kind of jump start my body. The reason that we were going to do that is because my luteal phase is really really short, the longest one that I have had naturally in months was 9 days. We tried a few other things but nothing really helped it so we knew that this was our next step. My RE did tell me that it wasn't impossible to get pregnant with a short luteal phase but it would be difficult and he thought the medicated cycle would work really well.
So, knowing all of that, on Friday, August 17th, I called my RE's office to schedule the baseline ultrasound. I am a planner and could not wait for my period to start, also their office is closed on Saturday and Sunday so I didn't want to risk not getting an appointment in time. I scheduled the baseline ultrasound for the following Tuesday which by my calculations would be cycle day 3, which was perfect. My cycle is pretty regular and the fact that I had cramping on Friday made me think that Aunt Flo would start the next day, Sunday at the latest.
All weekend, I wear tampons to bed, constantly check my panties to see if my period had started and nothing was happening. Saturday and Sunday I didn't get any sleep, I would wake up around 1 or 2 a.m. and have to turn the T.V. on because I just couldn't fall back asleep. I thought that maybe it was stress from waiting on my period, knowing that we have a certain timeline, etc. I should also mention that my anxiety was really bad over the weekend and I couldn't put together why. I take anxiety medication and it had been awhile since I felt that anxious.
Monday comes around, still no period. I considered myself officially late and still did frequent checks in the bathroom. I had no cramping or anything and I truly started to get frustrated with my body. I felt like my body was holding out on me just to piss me off. I mean, my body had disappointed me before, why wouldn't it now? My anxiety was especially bad Monday evening and I had no appetite which was odd. Again, I thought it was the stress. I was moody, irritated, it was a terrible evening!
Tuesday, I really started to feel weird. I still had no period and things were just off. I forgot about a work meeting that happens EVERY TUESDAY and it just slipped my mind. I started to get a weird headache that wouldn't go away and I was using the bathroom a lot but I really didn't pay attention to these symptoms until a few days later. I also had to call and cancel the baseline which I thought was so embarrassing because I felt like an idiot for swearing my cycles were regular, and now it wasn't.
Wednesday was the day. I still wasn't sleeping well, my stomach was starting to cramp just a little bit, I was starving, I forgot about another work meeting that I truly knew about. My head just wasn't screwed on right. I had to go to a broker luncheon and ride in the car for an hour (there and back) and was so nauseous. The car ride was really tough for me. My headache was getting worse, my appetite was crazy, I had this weird acne, and I was peeing twice as much as I was on Tuesday. Something just clicked that I think I need to take a pregnancy test. I was now 3 days late for my period and no sign of it coming. I started to get my hopes up but I kept telling myself to prepare for the worst.
After work, I went to Walmart and got two ClearBlue Digital Pregnancy Tests and two of their cheap $.88 tests, just in case today was negative, I could try again in a few days. When I got home I immediately peed in a cup and dipped one of the digital tests in the urine. The cool thing about the digital test is that it has a count down but it made me so anxious. I felt legitimately sick to my stomach (now I know, for more reasons than I thought) and I looked down at the test and it read "PREGNANT" and I just broke down crying. I was hysterical. I always wondered if in that moment I would freak out and get scared but every fear just disappeared. I was so happy. I immediately went to our nearest Walmart in search of a onesie that I could surprise my husband with. They oddly only had either pink/purple or blue/green so I couldn't find anything gender neutral so I had to get blue because it's our favorite color!
It feels incredible to be pregnant, emotionally. Physically has been tough but I am loving every second of it because I know how lucky I am to experience this. I just can't let go of the fact that we should be doing our treatment right now. I didn't do anything special this month, I honestly just assumed that it wouldn't happen because it hadn't happened before. I now can say that I believe in miracles because that's what I feel like this baby is.
I hope that you will continue to follow my pregnancy journey! Just like when I talked about my fertility, I'm going to tell you like it is (the good, bad, and ugly). But don't worry, I plan to keep my Infertility blog active and I'm going to be sharing OTHER'S stories to share positivity and support. You are never alone in your journey to motherhood!