Hello Warrior

HEY THERE, WE ARE ARDEN AND KERRY!

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Be KIND to yourself, you’re doing the best you can • This quote is currently on our letterboard this week because let’s face it, I need to remember this. As someone with anxiety and OCD I am extremely hard on myself and am trying to get better about that. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Trying to conceive, infertility, pregnancy loss, and now pregnancy after loss (although I am only a few days in so I know it will get harder and harder) have made me so CRAZY. I second guess everything I eat and drink and do. It’s a vicious cycle but I have to remember that I am literally doing everything I can and giving it my all, that’s what matters! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What’s something that you are really hard on yourself for? Obviously mine is COFFEE. While pregnant, I give it up completely but I miss the taste so I’ll get a decaf here and there but when we were going through this cycle I drank a 6 ounce Starbucks coffee daily and tried my best not to feel bad about it! It was my little treat for putting hormones in my body with no guarantee of a positive outcome! I will admit though, I drank a lot of decaf with our first pregnancy and with this one I am truly TERRIFIED to drink any of it. So maybe I should take my own advice 😂 🅢 🅔 🅝 🅢 🅘 🅣 🅘 🅥 🅔 Ya’ll, I don’t even know how to say this but I’m going to spit it out and I hope that you’ll read the entire caption. WE ARE PREGNANT (swipe to see proof). We are pregnant with our rainbow baby. 🌈 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On Sunday morning I took a digital test (and posted it on my grid) of a negative pregnancy test. A lot of you left comments and messaged me that I shouldn’t trust it and told me to go out and get a FRER. Many hours later, after your comments were EATING ME ALIVE, we went and bought a few FRER and to our surprise… they were positive. I really believed the digital. I didn’t feel pregnant. I didn’t think we were LUCKY enough to get pregnant on our first medicated cycle. I was so wrong. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I waited a few days to tell all of you because I wanted to get my bloodwork done first and we are REALLY really early (only 4 weeks today) so my beta numbers were low. Apparently we caught this thing right as it started or something! But our beta’s doubled in 48 hours, progesterone looks good, so far, so good. But we are scared. Finding out that we are pregnant after loss is the scariest thing, I sadly feel more fear than joy and I think it will be like that until we reach out next goal, viability scan. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you want to know all about that day - I wrote a blog post and you can read it by clicking the link in my bio. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I do hope that this news doesn’t upset anyone. I love this community so much, I don’t think I would be here today without you all. I understand if a few of you must unfollow me, there are no hard feelings. I’ve been there. But I hope you know that this page or my blog will not just be pregnancy stuff, ever. Infertility and loss have taught me so much. Kerry and I honestly feel like we had to experience this for a reason, maybe to raise awareness, maybe to meet all of you, whatever the reason be, we don’t want to give up on this community. We want to continue the conversation and we want to continue to raise awareness. We are so incredibly thankful for your support, seriously. We love this community so much.💕 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The love I have for my husband is unreal. I thought that I loved him years ago, which is why I married him, but experiencing the highs and lows of infertility, pregnancy and then pregnancy loss have only made me love him even more. I feel like although this season of life is so difficult, it’s my favorite so far because I’ve gotten to experience what real love and support is like.🌈 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This set of photos is from our honeymoon in 2015, we went on a cruise to Key West and Mexico and one night the entire dining room sang to us and made us kiss. If you know us, this type of attention is NOT our thing. I think we were both laughing because we were uncomfortable and I know my palms were sweaty. It was a sweet moment nonetheless and some random stranger at the table next to us took these four blurry photos and I love them.✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Whatever this journey holds for us, I know we can get through it because we have each other.💕 Plus, I can’t wait to see him become a dad because I know he will be the best one out there. 😘 Well, the results are in and our first monitored/medicated cycle was not successful. We are not pregnant. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ First, thank you all so much for your messages, your prayers and kind thoughts. I feel all of the love and power from your words and it feels so nice to have so many people all over the world praying for our rainbow baby. Just know, I’m praying for you too. We are in this together.✨🌈 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Kerry and I decided to test at home this morning since it was a Sunday and we are both off work all day. The thought of doing it in the morning before he leaves for work (which is like 5:30 am) and then having to work all day with the news of it working or not working, felt like torture. For those wondering how many days past ovulation or how long since our trigger shot, today is 14 days exactly since we did our trigger shot! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We are disappointed but doing okay. I am focusing on all of the positives and reminding Kerry of those positives as he questions this whole process. It breaks my heart that he is so disappointed. For me, seeing negative tests seems… natural. They don’t phase me as much as they used to but for him - this part of the journey is new. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ POSITIVES FROM THIS CYCLE: - I had a 20mm follicle in ole righty, the same ovary that got us pregnant in August - I reacted really well to Letrozole and the dosage seemed perfect for my body - We overcame the fear of giving an injection into my belly (I’m saying we but really it was all me, 😂) - I now know what to expect from the side effects of letrozole, ovidrel and progesterone so I can be better prepared next cycle (a.k.a - don’t plan on cooking dinner AT ALL) - Today I am getting me a 20 ounce Pike Place with almond milk from Starbucks as a reward for surviving 9 days of headaches and getting absolutely nothing out of it. - We have the opportunity and the funds to do this cycle again, for that we are truly lucky and blessed and HOPEFUL. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” - I don’t know who said this quote but I like it💕 Kerry and I shared our infertility and pregnancy loss journey on @lovewhatmatters yesterday in hopes that people who need support on their journey read it. We talk a lot about how we can use what has happened to us for good, how we can help others and how we can make a difference but the truth is - talking about infertility and miscarriage is what raises awareness and makes a difference. We have to keep the conversation going. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I told our story on their website in a way that I haven’t even told it on Hello Warrior. I started from the beginning, talking about how we met what our life was like back then, when we got married, and everything up until now. If you only recently started following our journey and want a full story on us - that’s the place to read it! I’ve put links in my bio or you can click on Love What Matters page. Thank you for your support!💕 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Here is my very favorite photo from our wedding day! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was the day that my period started, and it marked the beginning of our 11th cycle of trying to conceive. We were getting closer and closer to that year mark, that infertile mark, and I was breaking. I sat in our kitchen and cried to Kerry, he looked confused because to him this came out of nowhere. I told him that I no longer felt like myself, like the person I was before wanting to be a mother was gone and I would never get her back. I felt like a failure of a woman, I felt broken in more ways than one. I felt so many things and it felt so good to finally let him in. He cried with me, probably because it hurt him to see me hurt like this. We went for a walk on a local greenway and talked, a lot. Kerry cried while talking about wanting us to be pregnant so badly and not understanding what was wrong with us. It was an emotional day but it’s one of my favorite days because it’s the day that we grew closer because of this.” - LINK IN BIO TO READ MORE Someone gave me this advice once, towards the beginning of my journey, and it’s really stuck with me. “You aren’t out until Aunt Flo shows” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A lot of people ask me how I have the willpower to NOT test before a missed period or to just forget about the two week wait and the truth is, it’s this advice that I was given. Did you know that I have only taken a pregnancy test twice in the last 6 months and that was when I was pregnant and when my cycle was returning after miscarriage. I don’t like disappointment and I realized that seeing negative after negative wasn’t healthy. Plus, it has saved me a TON of money, am I right?😂 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve been pregnant and experienced loss and although that’s made my life harder at times it’s also helped me relax a bit more. When I was pregnant, before I even knew it, I had every PMS symptom that usually came 5 days before Aunt Flo showed. She never came because I was pregnant. Even when I was pregnant, I felt like Aunt Flo was going to show at any minute. So when you read articles or blogs about how PMS & pregnancy mirror each other - it’s seriously accurate. I hope that by giving you this advice it helps you like it helped me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So the next time you have cramps and you say “Well I’m out this month, I can tell AF is about to show” stop yourself and remind yourself that you aren’t out until Aunt Flo shows her ugly face. You got this, Warriors.✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve had “don’t let infertility win” on our letterboard all week. It’s a reminder to keep my head up, to keep going, to have that morning cup of coffee and not feel guilty. Our two week wait is coming to an end soon and I’ve been doing just fine but ya’ll, I’m scared. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m scared that at the end of this cycle, we will be empty-handed. I’m afraid that test will be negative. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Truthfully, I’m scared that even if that test reads “PREGNANT” that we will still leave empty-handed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Infertility has taken a lot from us. Pregnancy loss has taken a lot from us. I used to feel excited to test and hope for two lines but now I’m scared either way. I’m doing my best not to let infertility win but it’s hard. It’s really hard. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ✨ Two sweet friends that I made from this past year’s fertility exchange (shoutout @cezw1994 & @courtneyonthehill and @ttcalittlebabyb for organizing and introducing us) reminded me that even if this cycle is not a success, even if we are not pregnant, we are one step closer than we were before. My body reacted really well to our protocol. I had a nice big follicle in ole righty, I can do this.✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I can’t let infertility win. 🌈 Rainbow baby Cartrette, I’m coming for you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I can’t wait for the day where I can look back and say “this was so worth it” Excuse me while I post a shameless photo of myself but I feel like HUMAN BEING AGAIN! It feels so good to not feel like crap for the time being. While I know that change by this afternoon, for now I am celebrating. This morning I took my first shower in 2 days (don’t judge me) and I actually put on makeup. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ✨ Today also marks being halfway through the TWO WEEK WAIT you guys! ✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Progesterone has not been very nice to me but I am thankful for the opportunity to take the additional progesterone. I fought hard to feel this crappy. 😂 (Thanks @proovtest for the courage and knowledge) I had a headache that lasted four days straight, I’ve had waves of nausea throughout the day, upset stomach (you know what that means I don’t have to spell that one out for you), bloating beyond belief, and hardly any appetite. It’s been a bit crazy but I know that one day it will be worth it. I’m holding on to that hope! 🌈 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Let me know if you agree with me but I feel like the longer we go through this fertility journey, the quicker time actually passes during the two week wait. Am I crazy? I think I’ve just accepted that what will be, will be and there is nothing I can do to change it. I remember this time last year, I was not in that headspace. I would go crazy and start testing daily at 8 DPO. I wish I could go back and save myself from that disappointment over and over and over again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Our official test day is next Monday, January 14th. I haven’t decided if we will test first thing in the morning before work or if we will wait until we both get home from work. I don’t plan to take a pregnancy test by myself because personally it’s a huge trigger for me. I can’t handle it on my own and I feel terrible because my husband will never be surprised like he was with our first pregnancy. But our loss took a lot from us and that element of surprise and excitement, was one of them. I’m just hoping and praying for that rainbow baby! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ May this week bring you all amazing opportunities, positive pregnancy tests, good first scans and anything that you are hoping and praying for! Happy Monday, Warriors! 👊💕💪 Do you ever feel lost in your journey to motherhood? Do you ever question “why me” or “why us” and struggle to understand why it’s so hard for you but seems so easily for others. Maybe even those who you feel don’t even deserve it (don’t feel bad, we all have those feelings). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Infertility and loss have often made me feel lost, broken, confused, hurt but it’s also given me a purpose that I never knew I had. Through our journey I’ve talked openly about it, offered support and advice when asked for it, offered it without being asked, helped women through miscarriages because I knew what it felt like to be alone in those moments. I get it because I’ve been there more times than I can count. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I don’t know if ya’ll remember but about a month after our loss, I posted about a phone conversation with my husband. I cried to him and told him that I just had a bad day and couldn’t handle the grief I was feeling. Now something you should understand is that Kerry is a man of very few words. He isn’t great with giving advice or support. He freezes up in these moments but after our loss - he knew exactly what to say and do because he felt it all too. He said to me after I cried to him on the phone, “even though it’s difficult, this was meant to be our story. We were given this story because we could handle it” and it stuck with me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is our story. It’s not a pretty one and honestly it’s not the worst story out there. There are many women and men who have it a lot worse than us. I’ve done what I can to make our story count, to share it with others, to learn from it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ One day all of this pain (physical and emotion) will be so worth it. We are almost halfway through the two week wait and I’m staying hopeful. 🌈 I’m staying positive. I’m believing in my body’s ability to do this again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I literally can’t even right now. Progesterone is kicking my you-know-what and I feel like a hungover zombie that only wants to eat pizza. Well played, progesterone. Well played. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Today is day 3 of progesterone and I feel like it’s been an eternity. I’ve now had a headache for 48 hours and counting. I have forgotten what it feels like to not have a headache. Yikes! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Remember when I told ya’ll that I was handling the medicated cycle really well? I take that back. This totally sucks and I’m just hoping that this cycle works and I don’t have to go through this again. At least if I am pregnant, I’ll enjoy feeling like 💩. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Thank you all for your messages yesterday giving me your experience with the trigger shot and progesterone. I got some great recommendations on things to do to help the pain a bit. I’m so happy to have a community of strong women behind me to give me advice and support! I am also so happy that today is Friday so I can spend my weekend laying on the couch eating more pizza 🍕 (and probably Smithfield’s) Seriously, what more could a girl ask for on her birthday?! (Aside from a rainbow baby of course) 💕 If you know, you know. Smithfield’s is my pride and joy! 👌Kerry said he’s lucky that his wife only wants Smithfield’s for a birthday dinner. Dining for under $20 😂 Today I turn 26 and I wonder if this will be the year where people stop commenting on my age? 🤦‍♀️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I know I’m not alone in this because a few weeks ago I posted a rant on my stories about how frustrating it is to be told that I am “young and have plenty of time” and I had a flood of messages from some of you saying that you hear the same thing. Some even told me that you get the opposite and are told that you are “running out of time” - like excuse me… what?! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Obviously, something isn’t right if I am “this young” and struggling to conceive or struggling to stay pregnant. Not to mention, no one knows your life, your relationship, or your goals. I feel like when people have said this to me it crushes my soul because it has made me feel like my desire to be a mother doesn’t matter because of my age. Or it’s almost like people are suggesting that I just forget about wanting to start a family and give it a little “time” (whatever that means) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ To be totally honest with you, my birthday feels really sad this year. It feels like another reminder that a year has gone by and things have changed but not gotten better. I thought to myself that I would be pregnant by this time and honestly I SHOULD be over halfway through our pregnancy if we hadn’t lost it. When people say that we have plenty of time, they just don’t understand what we are going through. I do not feel like time is on my side. I feel like Kerry and I had goals that we discussed when we planned on getting married and life is just not going on track. My birthday feels hard this year because of the season, because of all of the pregnancy announcements, because of the constant reminders of “what should be” but I am telling you here and now, I feel REALLY good about 2019. I just know that this year is going to be great, being 26 is going to be great, and everything will work out. I have to believe that.✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Let’s do this 2️⃣6️⃣🎉 • Happy New Year • Here’s to a new year filled with new opportunities, chances and memories to be made! 🤞 I am so excited to see what this year has to bring us, maybe a little babe?! 💕 2018 gave me so much. It gave me my strength, my knowledge, many friendships that I’ve made from this amazing community of strong women, it’s given me the feeling of pure happiness when a pregnancy test shows the word “PREGNANT” and it’s given me a new found respect for the body that I spent so long being angry at. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But with all of those amazing things that this year gave me, it also took a lot from me. It took that pure happiness that I felt and crushed me. I experienced a miscarriage at home, unprepared and heartbroken. I experienced my body change so much from the short time that it was pregnant and take months to regulate again. 2018 took two very valuable family members from us, one unexpected at 26 years old. I’ve seen my husband fall apart more times then I would like to. I’ve fallen apart more than I would like to. This year took a lot from us but with everything that was taken, somehow we grew better because of it. We are determined to not let these terrible, no-good events hold us back from moving forward. So while we are often still upset over the trials of 2018, we are so thankful for so many things that we may not have or know if it weren’t for these terrible things. While I’m thankful for those things - I am also so ready for a new year. A new start. New beginnings. New chances to become parents.🌈 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 2018 will always hold one of the happiest memories of my life, finding out that we were pregnant naturally. If I close my eyes I can still remember how that moment felt. I was crying, shaking, and just in disbelief. I believed in miracles from that moment on. I have a lot of faith that I’ll get that feeling again - it might be different - but I think it will happen again and it will be amazing. 2018 will always hold our first pregnancy, our little Baby C that we were never meant to meet.💕 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Here’s to 2019. May it be a much better year filled with positive pregnancy tests, healthy bodies, healthy babies, and positivity for all of us. I’m so thankful for the role that each of your played in our journey this year. Happy New Year’s Eve, Warriors.✨ 🅕🅞🅛🅛🅘🅒🅛🅔 • 🅢🅒🅐🅝 We drove to our clinic bright and early this Sunday morning for our first follicle scan. My stomach was in knots because again I just assume I’ll be given terrible news at these things. To my surprise, everything is looking perfect and we are on our way home to TRIGGER right now. 🅗🅞🅛🅨 • 🅜🅞🅛🅨 Do y’all know what that means? This is it! This is the best chance that we have for our rainbow baby and I’m so excited (and nervous but mostly excited). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Now we are going home and I’ll have to give myself my first injection ever 😭 I used to give others injections and draw blood for a living but never have I ever had to do that stuff to me! But I’m tough, I can handle this. I mean, I’ve been through worse pain than a tiny needle will endure for sure. 💪 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My uterine lining looked really good and measured at 10mm. The doctor said anything over 6 is good to go, so we are celebrating this lining! I had two follicles in my right ovary but only one was mature and measured about 20 mm which to me seemed HUGE. I didn’t have any follicles in my left ovary which actually left me feeling really sad. But back in September when we were pregnant and had our first scan, we were told we conceived from my right ovary so I’m holding on to hope that little righty will do it again. COME ON RAINBOW BABY 👶 🌈 Tomorrow is our follicle scan and I’m excited/nervous/anxious to find out how Letrozole worked for my body. I honestly feel like I have a 20-pound bowling ball in my uterus or something so I’m hoping that’s a good sign! We had so much to do today, so I didn’t really get a chance to think about my nerves until right now and now... I’m kind of freaking a little. I mean, we might trigger tomorrow and I’ll have to give myself my first injection. (Holy crap 😨) but it’s all for a good cause! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I still kind-of feel like crap but I know that was expected from the medication. The come down from Letrozole was much worse than the days of actually taking the pills. So please excuse my no-makeup, irritated skin face. Been a long hormonal week 😂 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Wish us luck for our first follicle scan! While I think it’s so amazing to get an inside look at what’s going on, I feel like I have ultrasound PTSD and associate bad news with vaginal ultrasounds at this point. 😭 But I know that will get easier, this will work, we WILL get our rainbow babe! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers 💕 Back in September of this year when we learned that we were going to miscarry, I remember standing in the kitchen with Kerry after given the worst news ever and I told him that one day this will make sense. One day when we have our baby, we will not be able to imagine having any other child except for that one. We will then understand why it had to be this way. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Still, it doesn’t seem fair. It doesn’t add up (right now) but I am standing my ground and I know that one it will make more sense. I just have to believe that. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I just can’t wait for that moment. I can’t wait for our rainbow baby. I can’t wait for all of these things to make sense. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 2019, be good to us.🌈 H O L Y • H O R M O N E S • Remember when I told ya’ll that Letrozole seemed to be fairly nice to me? I’m starting to take that back. I have been really lucky compared to others but day 5 was rough for me and I’m now 2 days post-letrozole and actually feeling worse than I felt while actively taking the pills. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Physically, I hurt. I am bloated, my lower back hurts, my uterus feels super heavy (I know ya’ll will understand what that means because my husband looked at me like I was crazy). It actually feels like I am wearing like 20-pound weights around my waist. I am hoping, praying, crossing my fingers and toes that this means that I have some big and juicy follicles growing in there. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Let’s talk about hormones because my husband honestly thinks I’m losing it. Last night I started crying and saying things that just made no sense at all. And then I started crying talking about this community and all of you that have gotten your BFPs and rainbow babies in time for the holidays. It’s like I feel the emotions of 100 people. 🤣 I also keep watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns because I know that will make me cry at some point and let’s be real, crying actual tears when hormonal just feels… right. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This has me thinking…. What’s the craziest thing that you ever said or did because of hormones? Or that you can blame on your hormones! Isn’t being a woman so much fun?😒 🅦🅔 • 🅢🅤🅡🅥🅘🅥🅔🅓 the holidays. Excuse me while I hibernate for the next few days to celebrate making it through the holiday season. • This time last year, we talked about how we would have a third stocking hanging over our fireplace by the next Christmas season. We got really close to that this year but as you see there is only two stockings hanging. I won’t let this season of life bring us down. We are remaining hopeful, positive, and doing our best to keep moving toward our dream. • Christmas was hard on Kerry and me. We made it through, we survived, we did it together but it was really hard. We excused ourselves early from events because the questions were too much. We practiced how we would answer the “when will you have kids” questions but each time we were asked, our responses came out delayed and nothing like we practiced. Christmas knocked us down a little but we are looking forward, we are hopeful that Letrozole will help us. We are in this together and we should really celebrate the victory of making it through the holidays. Now we gear up to say goodbye to this terrible year and welcome 2019 which I plan to do everything in my power to make it a good year. Anything beats 2018 at this point. • Today I’m spending the day watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns, sitting by a fire, drinking hot tea, and just relaxing. Does anyone have any after Christmas traditions? Is that even a thing? 😂🎄 Tonight I take my last dose of Letrozole and I am feeling so so so hopeful. I’m so excited for our follicle scan that I can hardly wait. I feel like we really have a chance here and I’m trying to remain optimistic while being realistic too.🙏 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m not sure what are symptoms of Letrozole and what was psychological because I knew there was a chance I’d feel something but I experienced: ✨ Lower back pain after the first night and still having it ✨ Heightened anxiety on day 2-3 ✨ Heavy feeling in my uterus (similar to when I was pregnant, that’s the only way I can describe it) and very light bloat/cramping. ✨ Nauseous as all get out on day 4 and carrying over to day 5 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Tell me if I’m crazy or if you experienced any of these symptoms with either Letrozole or Clomid! Like I said, the medication has actually been really good to me. These are very minor side effects/symptoms so I’m not complaining because honestly, some of ya’ll told me your experiences and it was MUCH worse than this. I was also very lucky and doing this treatment around the holidays worked out great for us. I have been off work for all 5 days of taking the medication. So I’ve been able to lay low, relax, and take naps daily. I think that’s helped too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve been doing what I can to stay positive and have hope that with this little push, my body will react as it should. I haven’t deprived myself of my favorite foods (since it’s the holidays) and I’ve just lived life as I normally do. Now we wait for Sunday when we have our follicle scan and get told if we will go home and trigger or not! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Come on rainbow baby c, we are coming for you. 🌈